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To The Woman In Church Who's Addicted To Porn



The Fall of man seized an unrestricted jurisdiction where everyone has been touched by its invasion. We must not attempt to draw out the blueprints of sin by prematurely assigning who gets to struggle with what.

I’m a dude and I’ve had several of women talk to me about their struggle with pornography. I’ll admit, these conversations were awkward at first since the “I’m addicted to porn” talk is routinely gender-to-gender, not inter-gender. But this discomfort soon left once I recognized why these ladies were talking to me about it and not their female accountability groups.

They were afraid to.

It wasn’t simply a fear of being transparent about a weakness. It wasn’t even a fear of being judged or criticized for it. This fear was different.

It was a fear of being looked at as bizarre or unusual since, after all, porn addiction was a guy issue. Only guys need to establish boundaries and have that accountability partner on speed-dial for when they feel tempted. And since this battle was a guy’s territory, it would seem unnatural for a girl to combat it.

“I’ll probably be the only one…my leaders won’t know what to do and they’ll have to go to the pastor and I won’t ever be able to serve in ministry…”

Ladies, Satan would love for you to believe that type of lie because that hopelessness leads to an apathetic approach towards practical healing. It’s a trap. Do not believe it. Holding in sin allows it to rot and become more toxic. This is not God’s desire for you.

You are not alone.

You are not bizarre, unusual, or odd.

Disclaimer: This is NOT a Church-bashing blog shaming the Church for isolating women. I will not subject myself as a whiny “why the Church sucks” writer. This is a message of development for the Bride of Christ to consider how to better disciple in grace and exhortation.

“This is a guy issue. Sure women deal with it occasionally, but it’s mainly guys.”

This type of thinking is both dangerous and damaging. It’s dangerous because it propagates an environment where women feel discouraged to express their own brokenness in search of healing. It is damaging because the need for healing is overlooked. On a positive note, every church I’ve been involved with over the past decade has become increasingly more cognizant of this omission, a revelation I count as a victory for the Church!But just because there’s improvement does not mean that we should be idle. Apathy is but a U-turn onto the road of destruction that we pave ourselves. We must remain aware. We must remain active. This means fostering a Church culture of safety and security where women (and everyone) can be open about their vulnerabilities.

The Fall of man seized an unrestricted jurisdiction where everyone has been touched by its invasion. We must not attempt to draw out the blueprints of sin by prematurely assigning who gets to struggle with what.

But even if it was statistically proven that more men struggle with porn than women, that minority of women still need and deserve a place of accountability and healing. To be clear, open, in this context, is a step towards restorative repentance. This is not a “come as you are and stay as you are in this safe environment.” No, there is nothing safe about that type of environment since it only allows people to relish in their sin. Open here means “come as you are and find restoration.”

Women are just as susceptible to this addiction as men, and the ramifications of this sin are no less painful or consequential. That said, women should not be coddled. To coddle women over this issue simply because of their gender is really to undermine the severity of the issue. Not to mention it is very condescending. And when we undermine the severity of the issue, we aren’t as apt to respond effectively.

My pastor laid out a pretty solid approach to avoiding sexual temptation, while the model can be used for any form of temptation.

Refuse Just say no. Remember that you’re made for more than this.

Consider the consequences Sin fosters sin and sexual sin carries implications of insecurity and a lack of self-worth.

Focus on God and ignore the lies of the enemy Find fulfillment in your first love and ignore the enemy’s temptation towards the satisfaction of the flesh.

Avoid/Run Keep yourself out of a situation that may cause you to fall. If tempted, run while it’s still light.

Accountability Find a group of strong Christ-followers who you can be transparent with and who will hold you accountable. Arrogance peaks when we consider our strength to be above the accountability of others.

Walk in grace, walk in obedience. Seek healing, seek accountability.

For the gospel //

JWR

#church #porn #women

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