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6 Traits Every Godly Man Should Seek In A Girl



But she doesn't simply point to the Cross, she accompanies the journey and kneels reverently with her companion before it while rising in sanctification together.

“What do you look for in a girl?”

"She's gotta be totally on fire for the Lord, dude."

While this is a great start, the answer should go far beyond that. Romantic pursuit should always hold the presupposition that marriage is the long term potential, else you subject yourself to inevitable heartache, and furthermore the girl you are pursuing. Remember, this is a daughter of the most-high King. The delicacy and respect shown her should be of your utmost behavior– because even that doesn't compare to that shown her by the Father. This is the woman who you may be spending the rest of your life with and the mother to your children. Remember, this is a blog, not a PhD dissertation. More can be said about this topic for sure. Consider the following as traits that indicate a godly woman:

1. She does not tolerate sin.

Tolerance paves the way for destruction. Once one tier of sin is tolerated, the concern grows numb. Then what would have been a more severe sin originally now seems superfluous, thus it too is tolerated and so the cycle continues. A relationship centered on Christ should yield full allegiance to the Holy Spirit and as such will take conviction seriously.

Condemnation is different than conviction. Condemnation tells us that our sin makes us unworthy. Conviction tells us that because of Christ, we ARE worthy and are therefore called to a much greater lifestyle than that of sin.

Her desire should never be to seek what she can get away with, but rather to seek holiness. And as your companion, she should daily challenge you to do the same.

2. She points you to the Cross, and kneels before it with you.

We're men, we have some major pride issues that often manifest in subtle self-help ways. When we're angry, we want revenge. When we're stumped, we want to figure it out ourselves. And when we're spiritually exhausted, the struggle is real to admit it. A godly girl will recognize this and point to the only true remedy to our weakness, the Cross. She recognizes the sanctifying and restorative grace that flows from it and desires that it be made real in her partner's life.

But she doesn't simply point to the Cross, she accompanies the journey and kneels reverently with her companion before it while rising in sanctification together.

3. She discerns absolutes from debatables.

Some issues are trivial, really of no consequence and can thus be deliberated freely. These are issues such as distant-tiered political or theological issues, or whether an IPA trumps a craft lager (though a true woman of God would hold faithful to the IPA). But the non-negotiables hold severe ramifications if tampered with, and she should recognize this. This unwavering attitude should set the tone for your relationship as far as decision making and accountability go. Holding to sound theology such as the Trinity, substitutionary atonement, marriage between one man and one woman, the authority of scripture etc. is foundational in making decisions between two godly people.

This is the woman who will be helping you choose a church, raise your children, and will be your top-priority accountability partner.

4. She encourages you, even when she doesn't want to...and when you may not deserve it.

We're going to find ourselves here. Personally, I thrive off of encouragement. I beat myself black and blue daily. I think I'm sub-par in my ministry, lazy in my work-ethic, and constantly burdened by my inclination towards listing sentences. Sometimes these weaknesses will cause frustration in others. But the best thing they can do is to encourage us. To clarify, I am not isolating the word encourage to mere happy talk. Encouragement often looks ugly. It’s pointing us in a direction contrary to our fleshly desires. Sometimes it’s not our fault. As a writer, my inbox is peppered every week with nasty emails from people who disagree with my work. I can usually brush it off, but sometimes it's piercing. I need affirmation plane and simple.

Encouragement should always be delivered with the agenda to restore. That means identifying the weakness as it is, declaring a remedy, and walking side-by-side towards the goal.

At this point you may be thinking why are these traits for girls only since the guy has equal responsibility to display the same? I agree, these traits should be just as enthusiastically sought out by girls for their guy. I titled it this way though because given my life experience I can only speak with authority from a guy’s perspective. That said, I know some of the shallower traits guys want, or expect, in their future mates. This list is not about gender distinction but rather an attempt to clarify what they should be looking for despite their fleshly inclinations.

5. She's willing, indeed joyful, to submit.

Without dabbling in the rhetoric of gender roles, this type of submission holds no subordination in any form of the word. Submission is recognizing your partner’s needs, meeting these needs, and doing so joyfully as a displayed fruition of your love for them. It’s giving into love, not self. It’s putting the needs of your partner above your own as a means of cultivating this two-person oneness.

The joy comes from seeing your partner fulfilled. The reward is a stronger intimacy.

6. She is not silent in the presence of gossip

I intentionally used gossip as an example because it is a leading cause of Church dismemberment. It is a cancer. I call it a cancer because similar to the physical ailment it kills subtly from the inside out. Gossip is a heart issue with deep, deep, hateful roots. It’s a complete disregard for someone else’s pain. To talk poorly about someone behind their back is wrong and cowardly. To stand up to it is right and courageous.

A girl who stands up to gossip displays courage, loyalty, holiness, and love. She is a nurturer to the Church, curing the body of this rhetorical slaying.

Again, this list could be longer. I understand that these may not be everyone's priorities, too. That's okay. I hope you understand my heart behind this piece. Men, if you read this and are encouraged to seek a woman who emulates so, I'm glad. I'm very glad. But I also implore you to recognize your responsibility to adhere to the same.

Be challenged, be encouraged!

For the gospel //

JWR


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