4 Reasons Why Christians Should NOT Watch Harry Potter

Updated: Dec 8, 2018

Let me start in defense mode here. Yes, I am very familiar with the Harry Potter series, given my many years as a devoted fan. No, I am not a hypocrite for speaking out against it. I have recognized the errors of my past and hope to surface the same realization in my audience.

The Harry Potter series, whether you read the books or watch the movies, is a detriment to our spiritual, moral, and even social development.

I used to think Harry Potter was safe for Christians to watch, even entertaining. Though I'll give entertainment props where they're due, I have sought the scriptures and social research and have developed 4 reasons why Christian parents should avoid letting their children participate in this witchcraft-infested series.

1) When we let our kids watch Harry Potter, we encourage their attempts to fly on a broomstick.

University of Notre Dame recently published a study that revealed a sobering reality. Since the release of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, a rapid incline in attempted-broom-flying related deaths has been recorded nation wide. Chair of Notre Dame's center for Fantasy-Reality Relations, Al Dumble, expressed his concern for this social enigma and described the source as apathetic:

"I blame the parents. They just sweep the issue under the rug because they know that putting the kids in front of the movie will keep them quiet."

The alarming stats revealed indisputable escalation during the months surrounding each movie release. Let's not allow the following generation to fade out for a silly, avoidable reason. Don't let your kids attempt broom flying. Don't let your kids watch Harry Potter.

2) When we let our kids watch Harry Potter, we encourage them to dialogue with serpents.

What's with God's people and chatting with snakes?


Let's go back 6,000 years (or 6,000,000 for you old-earth creationists) and re-examine a pseudo important piece of our history. You know, Genesis 3? The Fall? Yea, you don't have to read too far into the Bible to see that this is probably not the best habit to adopt. Not to mention how many snake-worshipers have died because of this odd ritual.

As far as apostolic gifts go, Pentecostals of the most enthusiastic aerobics agree that Parseltongue, Harry Potter snake language, is indeed NOT a manifestation of the Holy Spirit. See, the jurisdiction of the Cross of Jesus did not extend to snakes. Therefore there is no reason for the Holy Spirit to inspire a foreign tongue in His people to reach the reptilious ground-slitherers at hand.

Stop playing with snakes!! It hasn't worked out well for anyone!

3) When we let our kids watch Harry Potter, we affirm their desire to freeze cats.

PETA recently disclosed a report revealing an abhorrent increase in cat freezings. Kids who have allegiance with HPFAC (Harry Potter Fans Against Cats) have been discovered freezing cats as an alternative to petrificus totalus, the petrifying spell resulting in a stiff, motionless state. Dozens of families have reported their children playing with neighborhood ally cats and later finding gruesome discoveries of said felines deceased in their freezers! Angela Kinsey, a single retired grade school teacher, is a victim of this deplorable act. Kinsey gave her testimony through an emotional delivery:

"One day I realized that I too was a victim of the cat freezing movement. Subtle clues hinted at me. My house started smelling better and I was noticing a reduction in fecal deposit in the litter box. Each day I counted on average three cats less in my house. Two weeks later I gather the 12 precious kitties that I had left, alerted the authorities, and moved in with my sister. Please help me raise the awareness!" This felinely genocide MUST stop.

4) When we let our kids watch Harry Potter, we teach them to celebrate feminism.

Emma Watson, English actress who plays the role of Harry's best friend, Hermione, shook the international social and political walls last year with her speech at the United Nations regarding gender equality. We CANNOT allow this up and coming generation to think that women are equal to men. Their emotional disposition clearly hinders their ability to perform well outside being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Her speech was unbiblical and damaging to the hope of a male-dominant society.

"I am from Britain and think it is right that as a Witch I am paid the same as my Wizard counterparts...I think it is right that socially I am afforded the same respect as men,"

Watson said before stepping onto her Nimbus 2001, which cost far more than what the average Wizard can afford.

The outspoken advocate demonstrated the typical feminist dialect of men-bashing like they all do. Emma Watson must understand that as a famous actress she has millions of girls looking up to her. This message basically told her feminine fans that it's okay to desire the same privileges, opportunities and respect as men. The nerve.

My readers, we are better than this. Let us stand up in defiance that this next generation may NOT be influenced by the evil-saturated series of Harry Potter.


p.s. this was satire.


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